Isabella, newly installed into the 2nd grade, expected some family and neighborhood lay-downs when she started pitching magazine subscriptions for the annual contest.

Apparently, depending on how many subscriptions you sell, and how much money you collect in a two-week period of time, you get to be invited to the Dippy Dot reward party where extra spiffs are handed out to the 2nd graders who did particularly well.

Unbeknownst to me, she had knocked on the door of the neighbors across the street and got repelled with a, “we’ll think about it!”

Thereafter, she went to Mommy, who was non-committal.

She hit up her older brother, who said that he didn’t think that family should be selling to family.

Her secondolder brother wasn’t around.

And all of that was before she descended on me.

So, when she came to me, and I attempted to redirect her to Mommy, the tears exploded and there was general tribulation and gnashing of teeth in the Pino household for at least 15 minutes of agonizing sobs. 

However, with a surprsingly adept sleight of hand and the aplomb only a mommy can muster, Janet got our little one into the shower, which apparently calmed her down and redirected her thoughts.

When she finally came back to me, afterwards, she told me outright that everybody had turned her down and she didn’t understand why.  She appeared calm. . .and inquiring.

So, I said, “Well, sweetie pie, what are you telling them?”

“Well”, she said with incredible self-worth, “I tell them that they can buy all of these three pages of magazines and then I show them the pictures of the magazines they can buy from me.” 

I said, “Okay, what else do you tell them?”

She said, “that’s it, Daddy.”

So I said, “Sweetie pie, what you told them is what you have for them to buy. What you didn’t tell them is why they should buy them.  People buy something only when it’s in their own self interest. They don’t’ buy something because it is in your self-interest.  Do you understand what I’m saying?”

Without the drama or the tears, or anything else that has been relatively standard fair for our 7 year old little girl, she said, “. . . well, what should I have said then, Daddy?”  

I couldn’t believe my ears. I didn’t hear an argument. I didn’t hear more tears. I heard an open-ended question that appeared to suggest a desire to really know the answer, or at least listen to one. 

My teaching moment was afoot!

So I said, “. . .Great question, Sweetie pie. What you need to do is give them a reason why they should be buying from you. There are lots of reasons. But you need to give it to them.  Can I show you an example of what it sounds like?”

“OK!?!”, she said, not totally sure.

“In this case, what if you were to go up and say: ‘Hi, my name is Isabella Pino. I live up the block. I’d like to show you a catalog that has three pages of magazines andask you if you read or would like to read any of these.”   If they say “no,” or anything else, we’ll talk about that tomorrow. But if they point to one of them, you say ‘Fantastic, do you already subscribe to that magazine, or do you buy it on the newsstand?’ If they already subscribe, we’ll talk about that tomorrow. But if they say that they buy it on the newsstand, then you say ‘Wonderful, do you realize that by buying this magazine at Publix, you’ll be paying $48 a year. But if you buy it from me today, you’ll be paying just $24 a year?

‘You’ll read the magazine you enjoy . . . at half price . . . and you’ll be helping my school, which needs the money to teach us kids.’ 

So, Sweetie pie, you can put it in your own language, but do you see what I’m doing?”

To my amazement, she looked at me. . .hesitated a little, shifted into her criss-cross-apple-sauce 7 year old lotus position, and said, “OK, Daddy, let’s try it!”

And then she started trying it.  Not once, not twice. . .but several times, as if she was actually practicing it.

In any event, to make a long story short, we actually practiced it half a dozen more times with the magazines. After that, Mommy and Jordan had come in so we practiced a couple of different types of products. Each time, Jordan wanted to get into the objections, but I kept telling them I would save those for another day.

But, when it was all said and done, I thought to myself that the elements of a sale are pretty much as simple as that. No matter what the product or service, the process is the same, whether you are 7, 37 or 67.  They look like this:

1. Acknowledge and relate to the person you are speaking with.
2. Let them know what you have to offer.
3. Let them know why it is in their best interest to acquire what you have to offer from you.
4. Explain why the decision is critical to make either today or in short order. 
5. And, with your personal style, address three components: give them intellectual permission to buy, an emotional desire to buy, and a commitment to do it in a timely manner.

Of course, there are two other processes we deflected to another day: neutralizing objections and securing the sale . . . but, after all, we have two weeks to earn those Dippy Dots.

I’ll keep you posted!

It was way back and certainly within the first decade of its infancy. I can remember any number of takeaways and many stay with me today.

As a matter of fact, I can probably say that the primary life drivers for my perception of reality today came from my mom and dad first. . . and the est training a very close second.

While there may not necessarily be an inclusive list, they are still some of the biggest in my life.

1. Do what you say you’re going to do . . . and nothing less.
2. Take 100% personal responsibility for every outcome in your life.
3. Saying and doing must be one and the same, or you rob yourself of your power over your own life.

And, my universal rules:

1. It is what it is.
2. This too shall pass.
3. Intentions do matter, but results rule.

All of that has become so incredibly ingrained in my very psyche that, along the way, as I built sand castles (sometimes stronger, sometimes not) on life’s shores, I never forgot the fundamental maxims ingrained in me in that intensive training years ago.

I’m thinking of that time now for lots of reasons.

One of the reasons is that I had the toughest time understanding, when I underwent those 60 hours of intensive training followed by multiple 10 hour intensives thereafter, that whole groups of people couldn’t cope with their pasts in ways which allowed them to shed themselves of the weight of accumulated years so that they could liberate themselves to move forward.

I just didn’t understand it. I didn’t get why it was so tough for them.

Of course, I was also a whole lot younger then and, while surrounded by people my age, I was also surrounded by people 10, 20 and 30 years older. They were the ones who tended to have the greatest problem.

But I’m now them. 

It looks quite different from this angle.  And the reason is not all that difficult to define. 

It goes like this.

As each of us goes through life, we continue to append more and more data:  raptures, ecstacies, emotions, ruptures, broken relationships, deaths, tragedies, failed dreams, broken promises, betrayals, and on, and on, and on . . . !

And as we process them through, the cumulative weight becomes tougher and tougher to bear. . . or shed.

In our younger years, while we have the inexperience of youth, we at least had the singleness of the event. Therefore, as long as we could clean up that event, process it through, get to the other side, we were ready for the next. 

But the problem, as we get older, is that even if we do that, one event after another (after another after another) eventually bows us under the sheer weight of it all.

As I look back over these last years, I am awed by the sheer cumulative weight of the experiences I created and then lived through.

And I find myself today doing my very best to shed all of that massive weight as I step forward to rediscover the mojo and  light-hearted strut that kept me so agile throughout my life.   

I’ve learned that it isn’t all that easy.  But there is a way. . .a process. . .I’ve learned to tap.  Let me describe it.

1.  Learn from, but nonetheless shed at any cost, the past:  live joyfully in the present with a picture of the future you are now creating.

2.  Passionately hold on to and incessantly defend your right to be the primary creative force of your own life and its future.

3. Formally reinforce that process daily in whatever way(s) is appropriate. Morning prayers; night time baths with a smooth glass of cognac; mid-day treadmill workouts; an evening run. Reinforce daily that process.

4. Be wise, but never be clever.

5. And defend yourself, but do that with as little harm to others as possible.

I’m not clear on whether all of that is enough.  But I do intuitively understand that to make it through the last half of my life, I have to lighten the load I’m carrying along the way.

Reality is the constant.

Reality doesn’t change.

What changes through our life’s experiences is the stripping away of our illusions about reality. 

In the process, we need to be left with reality; not with illusions about it.

Fresh out of law school, I remember debating the Chairman of the John Birch Society in Florida back in the years that mattered. He was representing his position, of course, and I was representing both the American Civil Liberties Union in Central Florida as well as the State Libertarian Party in the State of Florida.

I know . . . I know. 

It seems like a contradiction in terms, but it really is not.

As an American civil libertarian, I believed in minimal government interference in one’s personal or social life.  As a political Libertarian, I belived in minimal government interference in one’s economic life.

It made perfect sense to me.  And  I never really found them to be contradictory.  But apparently, this raving lunatic from the John Birch Society did.

We taped the debate on one of the local affiliated channels and it was broadcast by one of the big three. Now days, of course, that would never happen because commercial interests would be far too lucrative.

However, in those days, it was actually possible and I was far too young to understand the personal opportunity it offered me.

I don’t remember a great deal about the debate. I do remember the cameras . . .

and the moderator . . .

and the tension. . .

and some of the rhetorical stuff.

However, what I remember most was the moderator saying that we were required to really “mix it up.”

“Mix it up?”

I didn’t get that initially. . .but I eventually did.  In other words, really get it going.

Really start provoking.

Really push some buttons.

Really let it loose.

After all, we were live. . .and we needed to keep the viewers engaged.

The problem was that I had a tough time trying to figure out how to conduct a rational debate with an irrational person.  It was kind of like seeing in those days what we all see today with the commentator shows on CNBC, CNN, FOX, and MSNBC:  so much noise, deflection and volume, but so little substance!  

Great sound bites, yes.  But little reasoning.  And even fewer “ahas!”

I remember at one point during the break turning to the moderator and saying that rational debate was simply impossible when I was debating such a strident maniac.

I’m sure that comment disappointed him.   He certainly never seemed the same.

I suspect it did not become “best practices” in what was to become the broadcast journalism model of the future.  

And I do know for sure it never got me another invitation to any other broadcasted political debate.

Imagine (and with deference to Brando):  I could have been a contender? 

Really. . .a contender.  A pity indeed!  And the price was so small. . .

or was it really?

It’s as if the early originality becomes your personal prison if you can’t break free of it later.

The French cuffs and cufflinks were very cool in my late 20′s and early 30′s, especially when it was not necessarily the dominant look within my age group, but is it ending up becoming my own personal cliché as I get older and have problems changing or evolving my style?

When does Personal Presence become Personal Cliche?

Frankly, I’d love to be able to tell you about their client company and that particular person, but it would clearly be outside the bounds of my permission in this blog.  The consulting firm, however, was J. Robinson Group, LLC in Orlando, Florida.

Nonetheless, there are some elements of the conversation that I want to share with you as we discussed the elements of what makes a leader a real leader: what some people have dubbed a charismatic leader.

This blog is a short discussion about five critical elements of what makes a leader a “charismatic leader.”

1. A clear and decisive vision. It is virtually impossible for a leader to be charismatic if a leader does not have a clear and decisive vision about what he or she wants to achieve. It is the vision, itself, along with the other attributes I’ll discuss in a second, which allow responders to picture it and see it for themselves. Absent that vision, absent that target, absent the golden ring, the leader has very little likelihood of recruiting followers.

2. Crispness of communication. No leader can manifest that vision without skill in articulating and communicating it. The leader needs not only to be able to see it clearly in his or her own mind, but also needs to be able to clearly pronounce it, articulate it, picture it with words, gestures and feelings, so that everyone else gets it too.

3. Passion. I have listened to interviews with countless CEOs on CNBC who might be extremely effective CEOs, but are not charismatic leaders. What’s missing, most often, is the passion for the subject. Who doesn’t know in the world of entrepreneurism that Steve Jobs challenged Mr. Scully to do something more important with his life than selling sugar water?  Who doesn’t know that Bill Gates left Harvard because he feared losing the opportunity to have a major influence on the development of the personal computer generation?  A charismatic leader is one who not only has a clear vision of the outcome and the ability to articulate it, but is also impassioned about how important it is to each compatriot, as well as to their families and to the world at large.

4. Inspirational. When you combine clear articulation with passion, you almost always get inspiration, but not always. Being inspirational is the process where you can join your words and your passion with a call to action that rouses others to embrace your quest. There is a call to action implicit in inspirational communication which is over and above simple communication. The charismatic leader is someone who so clearly articulates a vision of the future with immense passion for its importance, that anyone listening–called to bear arms–has to step up and follow.

5. Humility of Service.  Finally, at least for purposes of this particular blog, is the humility of service. There are effective inspirational leaders, who are, at heart, arrogant or at minimum, self-absorbed. And then there are those whose sense of self is captured by their own mission. They are not arrogantly directive, and they humbly serve. In the absence of a sense of service, a leader is effective if not charismatic. However, when you add on humility and the other centeredness that humility provokes, an effective inspirational leader becomes a charismatic one.

Obviously, whole books can be written on this subject with countless examples along the way. But, as I think about yesterday’s conversation, I thought that it was appropriate to share these thoughts and observations with you in real time and at whatever level they might be relevant. 

With thanks to Mary and Susan from J. Robinson.   I hope my thoughts on our conversation are helpful.

So, with a young group of ideological Mensans, I headed to the Libertarian National Convention, the objective of which was to nominate a Presidential candidate to actually run for office. The convention was held in Denver, Colorado, I believe, and was packed with a plethora of Goldwater Republicans who had recently come out of the Libertarian closet.

Those were wonderful times, youthful times, and ideological times. And, at the same time, that era let loose an intellectual discovery avalanche that brought me through Rothbard, the Libertarian Manifesto, the Cato Institute, the Koch Family, and countless other influences on that side of the political spectrum.

I ended up participating, supporting Ed Clark as the Libertarian nominee to the Presidency and his wife, Alicia Clark, as the National Chair. I also ended up spearheading the Florida Libertarian Convention shortly thereafter here in Orlando, bringing in Charlie Reese and Gene Burns at various times for wonderful dialogue, poignant debate, and melodious discourse.

With all that said, I ultimately abandoned the Libertarian Party for a few specific reasons I haven’t thought a great deal about it until recently, with the rise of the Tea Party movement.

First, Libertarians were  incapable of coalescing around the idea of electing people to office and it seemed to me that the objective of the process was lost if we weren’t about trying to get people elected.  The Achilles heel of the Libertarian Party was an intrinsic mistrust of government, “as government.” As a result, there wasn’t a whole lot that could be done to take over the governmental machinery which the Libertarians were fundamentally skeptical of.  Extended to its logical extreme, Libertarianism at that level intrinsically carried the seeds of its own self-destruction.

Second, Libertarianism was ideologically sound, but so self-righteous it was pragmatically strained. . .and annoying.     Think about a political philosophy as unforgiving as was Ayn Rand in social philosophy.  I loved (and still do) Ayn Rand. . .and she got my heart pumping, but did I truly respect her when I woke up in the morning or was it just an over the top fling?  Lunging at windmills doesn’t forestall the dawn.

When left to a minimal level of interpretation, Libertarian principles make an awful lot of sense, especially within the context of the history, culture and mindset of the American experience:

• limited government
• segregation of powers
• minimal federal authority

Those principles manifest relatively easily in specific dictates:

• restricted state authority
• maximum individual rights
• popular and democratic elections around people and issues

And, at a less fundamental level, but one that is still resonant in American history, the following policies would underly political thinking:

• a powerful national government, but only involved where it belongs
• empowered state diversity
• balanced budget
• no debt, or minimal national debt in extreme times of crisis
• international policing for self-defense with a bias towards issues closer to home than far away
• “mind your own knitting” foreign policy
• a skeptical fear of “political evangelism”, domestically or internationally

So, at all of those levels. . . combining political, economic and social tenets. . .Libertarianism makes a lot of sense.

Where it fails, of course, is that the limited government framework is not of universal appeal even within the context of the American experience. Hence, there needs to be a nuanced conversation resulting in specific results with individuals, political movements, parties, and special interests that don’t necessarily buy into the view. In short, there needs to be governmental structure within which that dialogue can take place.

The problem with the Libertarian movement is that it simply did not countenance that.  In the first instance, it didn’t want to participate in the electoral process to elect individuals who would participate in that dialogue.  And secondly, few who were prepared to participate were ever able to get through the gauntlet of self-righteous political puritanism.

The problem with the Tea Party movement is that it does exactly the same thing.

Take the Libertarian movement in 1980 and add 30 years; what do you get?  Welcome to . . . the Tea Party movement of 2010.

And, my friends, your choice is respectfully no different.

To influence results, you have to get your hands dirty. And you are not going to get your hands dirty or influence the results by sidestepping the very structures where the dialogue takes place.  Nor can you take extreme positions in the name of intellectual purity and expect to get away with it.

So, the Tea Party poster children say:            

• Disband the United Nations.  You cannot disband the United Nations without our very security being challenged.
• Disband the Federal Reserve.  You cannot dissolve the Federal Reserve, bless its heart, without replacing it with some other non-private domestic and international monetary system.
• Disband Social Security.  You cannot disband social security without destabilizing social equities and robbing us of our internal integrity on which citizens have come to rely. 

That does not mean that there is no future for Tea Party influences anymore than there was no room for the influences of Libertarian thoughts.

But, what it does mean is that those influences, understandably provoked by current circumstances, need to be filtered through the lense of our time, and the influences of its founders, as it contributes to solutions directed towards genuinely attempting to solve our very real problems.

So, until the Libertarians (with a capital L) and the Tea Party acitivists (with a capital TP) get their act together, I’m going to continue on as a Republican.   And register, whenever I can, as an Independent!

How many of you have not secretly wanted to be on The Actor’s Studio, answering those famous questions James Lipton presents, with fanfare, a certain level of humility, and an appropriate attribution to the source?

• What is your favorite word?
• What is your least favorite word?
• What turns you on?
• What turns you off?
• What sound or noise do you love?
• What sound or noise do you hate?
• What is your favorite curse word?
• What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
• What profession would you not like to do?
• If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

How many times I’ve sat there with my wife, Janet, listening to the questions, recognizing fully that the interviewees know what they are going to be asked and yet are often times sluggish in answering the questions as if the questions were totally novel and they had never thought about them at all before that very moment.

It’s obviously an impressive sight in its own right as pure “James Dean in the moment acting”  and, at the same time, it still represents a window into their souls as to what they find worthwhile in life.

Well, my chances of ever being interviewed by James Lipton start at a strong zero and degrade swiftly thereafter.

Yet, on the other hand, who could I possibly imagine would ever want to ask me the questions or even bother to listen to the answers than my own true Life in Business.

So, here goes. I am envisioning myself in front of a stage of hungry students. They are studying what makes a true entrepreneur and they are wondering how much of it represents all of the classic clichés about entrepreneurs and how much of it represents a soulful understanding of what makes an entrepreneur human.

You can hear the proverbial pin drop.  As they listen,  James Lipton begins his very famous intro, setting up the questions…and then they begin.

[Lipton]:   “What is your favorite word?”
[LJP]:  “Reciprocity.”

[Lipton]:   “What is your least favorite word?”
[LJP]:  “Cruelty.”

[Lipton]:   “What turns you on?”
[LJP]:  “Sexy intelligence.”

[Lipton]:   “What turns you off?”
[LJP]:  “Self centeredness”

[Lipton]:   “What sound or noise do you love?”
[LJP]:  “Children laughing and playing on a playground.”

[Lipton]:   “What sound or noise do you hate?”
[LJP]:  “The sound of human beings bickering…especially those who should know better!”

[Lipton]:   “What is your favorite curse word?”
[LJP]:  “S-h-i-t.”

[Lipton]:   “What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?”
[LJP]:  “I’d want to be a singer or a great pianist.”

[Lipton]:   “What profession would you not like to do?”
[LJP]:  “Undertaker.”

[Lipton]:   “If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?”
[LJP]:  “Nice job, Larry.”

And, ordinarily, that pretty much does it.  The applause goes up as the lights go down…and the shot fades to a commercial.  When they return, of course, the students begin their Q & A.

But, in my particular case, and for whatever reason, James Lipton had another question that took me by complete surprise…even moreso because it is supposed to be my own personal rhapsody, after all, and it’s not supposed to be controlled by someone or something else.

After looking at me sternly, the conversation continued.

[Lipton]:  “Larry, I usually end with those same questions.  But I have one more question which, in your particular case, seems appropriate.  Can I ask you for an honest unrehearsed answer now in front of these students and a national audience of interested souls?

[LJP]:  Internally trembling at this point, I said, “…of course…!”

[Lipton]:  ”Excellent.  So here it goes.  When you reach those Pearly Gates and your life is now behind you, what, in your gravest of fears, are you most afraid Peter will ask you?”

Good God.  The question shocked me.  It shook me.  And it took my breath away.  Not only did the question disrobe who I am, but it also disrobed where I had been.  Shocked, with shallow breath, but with the need to be honest, I  responded.

[LJP/for Peter]:  “Good job, Larry.  Truly.  But do you think if you had been a little bit more patient and deliberate, you could have done even better?”

Ouch.  That…from Peter…when it’s all over anyway, and I have no chance to make amends?

Is that Heaven? . . . Purgatory? . . . or Hell? . . .

As the lighting fades, the camera politely retracts from an emerging reflection of my eyes tearing up.

Yet, I’m left with the relief of knowing that, with God’s will, I do have the time to make amends and I intend to be patient and deliberate enough to do just that this time around.

The universe is the fingerprint of who God is and how God manifests: in science, in math, in art, in music, in language, in human evolution, and in all their components and derivations.

We touch and feel that fingerprint best when we see and hear God in it.

Jordan, just out of the 9th grade, is in a summer composition program at Lake Highland.  He was asked, as his opening assignment, to write an essay on a topic which affected him personally.

He wrote it, and after it was finished, he asked me if I would read it.

I did. . .and swallowed hard to get through it all, although I couldn’t hold back the tears.

Several days later, I asked him if I could publish it, and he said “OK”, but only if I included an introduction.

This introduction is the only one you’ll need. . .trust me!

Jordan A. Pino
Mr. Sprouse and Mr. Driscoll
Advanced Composition
29 June 2010
A Recollection of my Nonna

When I was a little boy, the world seemed different. All was small and everything that was bigger than I seemed to be almighty…almost invincible. Ever since I was born, my family was the center of life. My dad was the ultimate role model; my mother was reality, and someone who would take care of me. But my grandmother, my “Nonna,” was a great woman who resembled all that was right and proper. I used to believe she was truly invincible.

When I was younger, I would frequently sleep over at her house. My grandfather or “Nonno” had passed away a little bit after I was born and my Nonna lived alone. When I would visit, we would do many things together. We would sometimes watch TV. However, many times, we would do things that a young five-year-old normally doesn’t do. For example, she taught me how to knit. She also taught me how to sew, by hand and machine. Sometimes we would play childish games like hide and seek, or simple card games like “go fish.” We would also read books together: Nonna reading “Ogi” in Italian and I reading “Dog and Cat” in simple 1st grade English.

Always, when I visited she would cook for me. Nonna was a fantastic cook. All of her famous Italian meals were prepared every time I would sleep over. After dinner and in good weather we would occasionally take a walk around the neighborhood. Nonna’s house used to be a lot of fun.

Around the age of six, Nonna had her first accident. She was driving her little, red car on the way to her house. She was coming around the bend of the street in her neighborhood when she decided to slow down. The only problem was Nonna had mistaken the brake pedal for the gas pedal, which accelerated her car into the neighbor’s bushes. When my dad found out, he was annoyed at first and then became really scared for my grandmother when he fully appreciated what had happened:  Nonna’s driving days were over.

A few years later my Nonna had her second accident; she became sick with pneumonia and entered the hospital. For a while, she was deathly ill because her immune system was having trouble fighting the pneumonia and most of the doctors had given up hope, but after several months, she left the hospital, weakened but alive.

Her third accident was especially bad for her. Nonna was walking about the house, doing her daily routine when she fell on her hip. She called 911 on a nearby phone and was rushed to the hospital. After she recovered, she no longer could walk and has remained in a wheel chair ever since.  She would no longer be leaving her house except for occasional visits to our house or a restaurant and would require 24/7 care.

This is when I realized my Nonna was no longer invincible.

With age comes understanding. I see my Nonna every single Sunday after church. Although we tell everyone she is “strong like bull,” each visit we see Nonna, her health is evidently worse and worse. It used to be one accident after the other, which affected her physical strength, but now it is the slow deterioration of her mental health. When I see her, she is no longer active in our conversations, she is agitated by her inability to put words together, and she can’t walk at all and can barely hold her cup to her lips. I know now that the lady who taught me many skills, but also how to be respectful and proper, was slipping herself.

When I was six or seven, never in a million years would I have thought that Nonna wouldn’t be able to even get into her bed without a 24 hour assistant. Her only two reliefs would be living in her own house and not in a nursing facility, and, most of all, each of us being able to see her every weekend.

I used to think she was invincible and now I know she isn’t.

However, I know, no matter what, she was great and incredibly strong. Although she is undeniably getting weaker by the day, at 88 years old she has surpassed all of her brothers and sisters and has had a wonderful life. What’s really left of my grandmother is a memory. A memory of  someone who was once bigger than life. And what she has left behind is in my dad and the stories he tells of her. But above all the one thing that she keeps important and dear to her heart is the importance of family––something that I will never lose.